I Want to Eat Cereal Again
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Information technology's 4pm, Thursday afternoon. I'm hunched over the 13th (!) bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch I've had in four days. My encephalon feels equally soggy and limp as the little squares soaking in the milk beneath me, and on a calibration of one to GERRREEEEAAAAAAAAAAT, my stomach is a solid "You're on your own, dude." This is life on the Cereal Cleanse.
Last week, in response to the semi-recent and doubtable-at-all-time "millennials-detest-cereal" coverage, I embarked on a regimented, cereal-exclusive diet for vii days. That's 21 breezy meals of only my favorite Well-Balanced Breakfast™ in a bowl. My goal was to bring awareness to millennial awareness of cereal, and likewise, I just wanted to see what would happen. Guys, I went full coo-coo.
Day i, Mon: I'yard living a blest life
I'm late for work, and then I begin my starting time cereal-merely solar day on the subway with Froot Loops (as dramatically recreated above). Normally, I consume approximately 2,000 calories a day. To go along my nutrition stabilized, I desire to match that number as best I tin can. This means I need to eat virtually 13-xv measured standard serving sizes of cereal with a half-cup of skim milk each and every day. I also plan to add together in fruit to one repast a day. You lot know, so I don't dice.
I feel fine. For lunch, I throw circumspection to the wind and eat ii bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I'chiliad living a blessed life. For dinner, I have more Cinnamon Toast Crunch (CTC from here on out). I've had 9 bowls of CTC today, savage well under my average daily calorie count (I'1000 hitting nearly 1,400), and experience satisfied. This is great. I go running, like I usually do on Mondays, and head to bed smiling with a spoon in my hand and milk in my spoon. I'll accept to launder my sheets tomorrow. I'm pleased with what life and cereal are giving me. Which reminds me I need to pick up some Life cereal at some point. It's a classic.
Mean solar day 2, Tuesday: I still feel pretty good!
I feel a little sluggish in the morning, but my energy's quickly rejuvenated when I scissure open a fresh box of Lucky Charms for breakfast. I accept 2 bowls, and hum on pure, high-fructose Irish luck until lunchtime, when I toss back 1 bowl of Special M with some banana slices. Overall, I'm feeling pretty proficient, and I think this is a damn fine thought. Though licensed dietitian Jennifer Christman disagrees.
"A lot of mass-produced cereals are fortified with many of the vitamins and minerals you need," she tells me, "but there's no way you can get everything yous need without a well-balanced diet." She says this very gently, after politely laughing at me. Though, with my current intake, I get about 80-120g of protein in my skim milk, which is right where I demand to be. Besides, my calcium intake is a-booming. My basic take never felt girthier.
This night I consume a bowl of Kix. A actually weird, sweet taste overwhelms my mouth as I settle into sleep. Part of me thinks it's just my new toothpaste, another thinks it might be foreshadowing. That similar, perhaps this cereal thing was a bad idea. In the middle of the night, I catch a scattering of CTC on my style dorsum from the bathroom. It's still good. My fears are assuaged. For at least one more solar day.
Twenty-four hours 3, Wednesday: I crave fruits and vegetables
I eat my morning time meal with two millennial co-workers who were inspired to take up the spoon with me in solidarity. The support feels proficient. But, I find myself suddenly repulsed past CTC, delicious as it is, considering I've eaten like, 2lb of information technology in the past 48 hours. I swallow Frosted Flakes instead, and so Special K with fruit again for lunch, and an actress basin of Raisin Bran, to continue me regular. Cereal has kind of lost its taste for me, though. I'm actively peckish fruits and vegetables. I tell Christman my symptoms. "Here, you are probably experiencing nutrient fatigue -- your torso is trying to intuitively tell you what information technology'due south lacking, what it needs," she says.
The time I spend eating has drastically reduced, equally cereal is a quick meal. I am more productive. For dinner, I eat Cap'north Crunch with soy milk, which apparently, was Prince'south favorite combination. I do this while listening to Purple Pelting. RIP to a beau cereal connoisseur. I welcome the soy milk, as I feel sick from the corporeality of dairy I've consumed. I have trouble running, and become home early on. I weigh myself before I get to bed -- I've lost 2lb. My oral fissure is torn upwards from repeated Cap'n Crunch lashings. I swear the cereal off, as my immune system is lowered, and I cannot take the risk.
Day 4, Th: Focusing is a thing of the past
Information technology is the halfway signal of my oat-filled hero's journey and I have hit a wall. Weird things are happening. I'grand having a hell of a fourth dimension focusing. I observe myself standing upwardly and walking around. I talk to people I don't usually talk to, and my words are senseless. I forcefulness myself to eat apparently Rice Krispies. I do so without milk. The sheer amount of milk I am ingesting is making me experience nauseated, equally I normally only consume dairy in my coffee. I experience like Manny Pacquiao is using my gallbladder equally a speed bag.
Technically, oatmeal is chosen hot cereal. I've never heard anyone really call it hot cereal, merely somehow I know that someone out there calls it hot cereal. I am in too much pain to accept this debate correct now, though. I'one thousand sure if I don't switch things up my insides might shrivel similar the Grinch'due south heart before he loved Christmas. For luncheon, I have instant oatmeal with apples and bananas placed in it, like little nutritious land mines in a field of fix-made, steamy garbage. For dinner, I force myself to eat Smacks.
"You are probably experiencing brain fog," Christman says. "Your blood carbohydrate is spiking then dropping, you aren't getting the nutrients you need." I'm beginning to think: is all this cereal too much of a adept matter? Have I, similar Icarus, flown too shut to the sun, only to run into my wings burnt off in a horrible blaze of Franken Berries? Am I literally going insane right now?
Mean solar day 5, Fri: My outlook is dour
I cannot acquit to drinkable any more milk, so I eat my Frosted Flakes breakfast serving raw dog, no liquid. I've lost my lucky spoon. It'southward impossible to get work done, and I feel slightly intoxicated. I require weird and random foods and flavors. I notice myself wanting to taste ketchup. I odor a phantom plate of celery. My peckish for meat has reached height levels and as I walk through the meat-filled speciality market Dean & Deluca in Manhattan to get coffee, my mouth waters so much a guy must follow me around with a mop.
Today, I rely on the charity of co-workers, equally several of them meet with me in cereal solidarity at the first (maybe bi-annual?) Thrillist Cereal Luncheon to prove that cereal is very much still alive in the hearts of the young. I have Rice Krispies with friends, then exercise my all-time not to pass out until the end of the day. For dinner I put homemade granola -- fabricated past my colleague Elaheh -- in milk with some bananas considering I worry I'm going to get gout or scurvy or possibly both. It counts as cereal, OK?
Day 6, Saturday: I never idea it would go this bad
I wake upwards and don't practise much for a while. I feel OK, actually. I do errands and and so go running. My legs experience as if they are submerged in a bowl of soggy Wheaties -- and I don't become far. Afterwards, I eat a bowl of Special Grand. I eat some beerios (cereal -- in this case, Rice Krispies -- with beer every bit milk) to pregame for the nighttime. I exercise not enjoy this.
I drank alcohol just once during the week, and felt its effects fast because I'm eating way less than I normally eat. I leave to the bars this particular Saturday and experience like myself, possibly, even, a little more than charming than usual (probably riding the boundless peak of carbohydrate high). I try to drink a beer, only feel weak immediately, and want to get home. When I get home, I eat a serving size each of Reese's Puffs, Cocoa Puffs, Pops, Waffle Well-baked, and Rice Krispie Treats cereal in a big ol' Frankenstein combo bowl. A supercut of 'real might reinvigorate my quest and push me through the finish line in trademark style, similar Jordan winking at the Philadelphia bench.
I autumn comatose rapidly subsequently, clutching my stomach and cursing the day I decided to go spoon-deep in the surprisingly night earth of supermarket oats and grains. I cry a piffling, to be honest. I manage to put upwardly just over 2,000 cals today. A new record high... going out with a bang.
Day 7, Sunday: My brain may never be the same
I wake upwardly. Eat two bowls of dry Waff. I think here, at the finish of all things, I might have establish some peace in my journey. Some zen among the hordes of rice crisps and sugar balls and faux marshmallows. Ultimately, I think I proved my point, though, now I kind of forget what that indicate was, or if I even had a point. I requite myself a terminal counterbalance-in -- I've lost 5lb in one week, merely the mental toll this cleanse has taken surprises me the most. I am slower, more air-headed, and less able to focus. I feel like Charlie from Flowers for Algernon, and like him, I hope they allow me keep my job when this is all done.
To terminate off the Cereal Cleanse, I striking Momofuku Milk Bar for cereal ice cream. As I swallow it, I reverberate dorsum on the 81 (yes, 81) bowls of cereal I consumed over the terminal calendar week. I ended upwardly averaging approximately 1,735 calories of cereal a solar day. I had saccharide-blasted highs, and soggy-lesser lows, but i thing is for certain: I'll probably never consume Cinnamon Toast Crisis again. All neat things, even cereal, should be enjoyed in moderation.
"I wouldn't recommend this cleanse, or nutrition," Christman says. "It's not very salubrious. Cereal has a place in our diet, but mayhap one bowl a day. And a healthier option than near of the kinds you've been eating."
I tin only hope I don't feel like this for the rest of my life.
"If you don't get better in a few days, contact a medical professional."
Will exercise.
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Wil Fulton is a staff writer for Thrillist. He actually just ate cereal once again. Follow him: @wilfulton.
Source: https://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/i-ate-nothing-but-cereal-for-a-week-heres-what-happened
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